It's A Horrible Life Without You
by Soltare
Summary: Despite all that's happened regret can run deep, and no matter how okay you say you are, it could only take one thing to push you back over the edge. Cloud experiences a miracle that changes and saves his life. Inspired by It's A Wonderful Life.


Disclaimer-I don't own the characters of FF7 and did not profit from this, I promise

It's A Horrible Life Without You

"Marlene! Oh...god no..." Cloud held the young girl in his arms, her arms bled slightly from the cuts she received on her fall. The helmet she wore had thankfully saved her from a major head injury with all luck she would live, but to see the scene with your own eyes you would be quick to disagree. The ambulances were on their way, the sirens an appropriate background to an accident. A semi had ran a red light, the driver had fallen asleep at the wheel. Cloud was moving through the green light on Fenrir, Marlene had begged him to come on this trip to the store, now he regretted saying yes. Cloud slid trying to avoid a head on collision but jarred Marlene from her seat, she struck the ground in a way that would wound those who saw it. Her left arm was broken and she had an ankle sprain, along with all the predictable cuts and bruises. She was loaded onto the ambulance Cloud followed close behind on Fenrir, it could only be assumed that the driver was dealt with by the authorities but in retrospect it didn't seem to matter.

Cloud's face was in his palms, his typical thought process was to blame himself and this time was no different. "I almost killed her, I should've slowed down. What's wrong with me." Tifa entered the ER waiting room and rushed to join Cloud. "Cloud is she okay! What happened!" her makeup was runny due to fear struck tears. Cloud looked up to her "A semi pulled in front of us...I tried to move out of the way but she lost her grip...I should've been more careful...I'm sorry" Tifa sighed and sat next to him putting an arm around him. "It's not your fault, you tried and if you hadn't called in time we might not have been as lucky. Were you going to fast or something? Or was it ice?" Tifa questioned Cloud stood to face the window "No it was all coincidence, by the time he pulled out it was too late." Tifa hugged him from behind "It's not your fault Cloud, don't worry." He shrugged away "No it is! I should'nt have brought her with me, maybe she'd be okay!" Tifa shook her head and pleaded with him "Cloud please! You did your best to avoid it, don't beat yourself up so much." Cloud sat back down and waited for the others to arrive, he was left with his guilt no matter what his friend tried to say.

Marlene had been sent home from the hospital with a new cast and a bunch of signatures from AVALANCHE, it was funny as most children dreamed of meeting the heroes in person, Marlene was as close to family with them all. Barret had been tense around Cloud, although he didn't blame him he felt Cloud held a small part in what had happened. The others stayed for a few hours to celebrate her health and as the children were put to bed and a slightly tipsy Yuffie stumbled from the doors of 7th Heaven, Cloud was alone in the bar with his brunette friend who was busily working behind the bar. "Tifa..." He stood slowly "I'm going out for a while, I'll be back in a half hour." Tifa turned she was visibly disappointed "Oh...well okay please be quick it's getting late and it's getting dark." Cloud nodded and walked out to Fenrir, still scratched from it's run in with the trailer, but at least it remained in working order. As the engine roared three members of a family watched from their windows as the forth rode out into a cold, snowy night.

Cloud rode fast through Edge, it was snowy but not overwhelming and Christmas decorations were on many buildings and stores, the season seems to come earlier every year as this was just a week after thanksgiving. Before he knew he was on the outskirts of town and was quickly approaching the remains of Midgar, he looked and saw Deepground refugee caravans, after the war they had no where to truly go and simply wandered from home to home trying to find themselves, in a way Cloud envied them as if it had not been for Tifa, Denzel, and Marlene he would be on the same path. Cloud had entered Midgar through a blasted gate, and was stopped in front of the church.

He disembarked, scanning the ruins as he sat at a pew looking ahead to the flowers and the sword firmly planted in the ground. He looked up at the snow falling into the church and began to ponder to himself. Despite the revelations of the last few years, guilt still followed him. Zack, Aeris, and nearly Marlene, he seemed to carry pain to the closest people around him, no matter how he acted. He was a hero in the eyes of the world and his closest friends, but now it all came back his darkness, his doubt in himself and his own goodness. Maybe he was a liability to them all, he had enemies who would follow him to the end and would hurt his loved ones in the process. He was in love with his best friend, she had been by his side since his youngest days, and now she was closer the ever. She deserved better, all he could do was bring her down. And finally he had two children who looked to him for a father figure or at least a role model, he would disappoint them eventually, he almost killed Marlene, just give him time and he could finish the job. He concluded that the only gift he could give those closest to him this Christmas is a world without him in it. But running away this time wasn't an option, his friends would chase him to the ends of the earth. He had almost died once in this church so he had enough practice.

He slowly walked to the front, his boots echoed throughout the church. He stared at his old weapon it had the shine that he tried to have in his life but under that it was just another weapon, something that ruins lives. Suicide would be difficult with something so massive but he could simply slice his wrists with the blade. He took a deep breath and put his hands in position "This is it Aeris, Zack, I'm coming I'm sorry I wasted my chance but I do no good for them all anymore, It's time I took my leave of them." He moved to pull his wrists, but it suddenly all went dark. He was crouching alone in a dark poorly lit space, but a familiar voice called to him. "You know half the point of having a living legacy is having him live." Zack walked through to his old friend and reached his hand out, Cloud pulled himself up and looked away from him. "Zack...I'm sorry but I can't keep pretending that I'm better, Marlene's accident made me realize that I only hurt people, I hurt Tifa, I got you and Aeris killed, Marlene almost died due to my lack of forethought, and now everyone I once called a friend is cautious of trusting me because of it. You know Reeve once said I was the most powerful being on Earth now, what happens when I open up to myself and everyone around me, what if I abuse my power. It's not worth guessing anymore, I know I'm not worth it so you should just let me see this through." Zack sighed can grabbed his friend by the shoulder "Cloud...for all the bad you claim you do, there's been too much good, and it seems to me like you don't believe you can do more. You need to go back home and just face life alright buddy?" Cloud shrugged away and coldly stated "Send me back, you can't change my mind about this Zack if there's any more good I can do this is it!" Zack sighed and turned around "Fine we'll send you back on one condition." He raised one finger in the air over his shoulder to insinuate the point. Cloud scoffed "What?" Aeris slowly walked from behind Cloud and stated bluntly "You must let us show you what will happen when you are gone." Zack turned to Cloud with a disappointed look "We'll let you do it if you just let us show you the results of your action." Cloud nodded "Then let's get this over with." The room flashed white as did Cloud's vision.

They appeared in a courthouse, Reno was on trial unsurprisingly to Cloud. "Cloud do you remember when Reno broke the Sector 7 pillar?" Aeris inquired to him. Cloud nodded and watched the event unfold. It was a WRO War Crimes Tribunal, they were going about the business of trying Shinra criminals. "Has the jury reached a verdict?" One man in a suit stood at the end of the Jury and announced Reno's fate "We find the defendant guilty of all charges." Reno went ballistic at this and began yelling to them, threatening them and their mothers and what not. A balif quickly struck him and detained him. The Judge slammed his gaffol and announced his sentence "Reno Allister for Crimes Against Humanity, Mass Murder, and the Endangerment Of Civilians During Wartime for Private Gain. You are sentenced to death by firing squad at 08:00 tomorrow. Cloud winced at this news, he hated Reno but knew he didn't deserve this grisly fate. "Guys why am I here, this doesn't apply to me?" Zack slapped him on the back and replied curtly "Yes it does Cloud, your testimony in this case specifically about his actions after the Shinra War would'nt have acquitted him but he would serve time in prison only and reunite with the other Turks upon his release for Good Behavior. He would be together with Elena and they would have a child. And despite what you believe the two of you would make amends, he would dedicate his life to helping the less fortunate, your support if only for a day would've helped many people but being dead in all who could blame you for not showing." Cloud nodded at this news and thought over what he had heard. "Ok Aeris lets move on." Aeris nodded at Zack's request and they found themselves in a bar, but 7th Heaven much dingier and the smell of bad decisions and consciences hung heavy.

Cloud looked around but found nothing of note to him at least until the door slammed open and four armed men burst into the bar. They waved their firearms in the air and demanded everything valuable, when one patron tried to fire on them in an act of misguided bravado, he was greeted by the crack of a shotgun firing, the man sloped to the floor in a pool of his own blood. The men took everything from money to watches and went on their way. "Zack my god what just happened!" Aeris touched his shoulder and started to tell the story of Denzel "Denzel had always had a hard life, you were the last role model he ever had and without your guidance he gave up on himself much like you did, he turned to crime and eventually formed a gang of like minded individuals, it's a shame he had such potential." Cloud almost shrieked upon hearing this "No! Denzel he couldn't do this he's a good child, there's...there's no way..." Zack pulled his friend's head in the direction of the fallen man "Believe it Strife, it's not all bad, he's pretty good at using a shotgun." Cloud fell to his knees "No...how could Tifa let this happen to him...NO! How could I let this happen to him! I turned him into a monster...Send me back I have to fix this!" Zack and Aeris both shook their heads Aeris knelt to hoist him up "No Cloud, there's more."

They were in Wutai and it looked as if the city was a blaze. Fires ripped across houses and an army of men marched through the streets unopposed. "What! What happened here!" A soldier in ornate black armor pulled a women from her home as she screamed she dropped an old style rilfe to the ground, the soldier "buddy" impaled her with a bayonet. Zloud reached out but found himself frozen "Cloud when Godo died Yuffue was considered to young to take the throne, therefore the newly organized army of Wutai attempted to take control, a long and bloody civil war erupted one that you would be called to mediate or if need be stop had you been alive. Eventually your friend Yuffie will be victorious but not after the deaths of many of her people and WRO volunteers. In the fighting Barret Wallace will be conducting an oil prospecting operation on the WRO's behalf, the Army will assault his camp thinking that they were WRO peacekeepers, he will be mortally wounded and will die in the hospital weeks later." The scene shifts to Barret hooked to life supported but suddenly a flat line is heard and Marlene who had been shitting at his side called for a doctor to help him. "Had you acted much bloodshed would be avoided." Cloud sat in an empty chair in the room he was speechless, was he really this important? He began to realize the truth as this journey continued. "Aeris we have a few more stops correct?" Aeris nodded and they were on their way.

Rocket town looked more decrepit than ever, the streets were filled with homeless, prostitutes, and dealers, a regular slice of good ol fashioned Midgar Slumming. "Where's Cid?" He looked around for hopes of finding his friend, he found a garage that said Cid's over it and he slowly entered. Cid looked crippled he limped and hacked about his auto shop, he hunched in a manner much unlike him. Aeris was quite disappointed in this case "Cid stopped caring for Rocket Town and became an introvert after his divorce with Shera, because Shera left he never quit using cigarettes not having any real reason to. The doctors give him a month until he succumbs to cancer." Cloud held his face in his hands

"But how could I stop this? I don't control him." Aeris approached Cid and replied to a perplexed Cloud "No you don't but after you and Tifa convinced Shera to return to him he turned his life around and helped make Rocket Town an industrial center and he would restart the space program with WRO funding and the lost executive Palmer's "voluntary" support." Cloud sat down, he was in the darkness again "Zack, Aeris I've seen enough. I can't live for them they make their own choices just like I did." Aeris and Zack turned to him Zack growled at him "You still don't get it do you? You don't fool me Spikey your not this hardhearted, you know what's right." Cloud stood "You said Tifa would help Shera and Cid, and what about the others she's more than capable of handling this without me." Aeris and Zack looked to each other and shut their eyes. "Wait, what happens to Tifa?" Cloud was puzzled, they knew she was his closest friend, why not bring her out first? "Look Cloud lets just send you back, we get it you don't care." Zack turned and a white door like opening appeared. "No I care I've made my choice, but I need to know, how is she in this terrible future. Aeris reached to him "Then let's go."

They were outside 7th Heaven it was cold, snow fell to the ground in the late morning. "Wait nothing looks different?" Zack sits up on the railing to the bar, that's because this is one day after you killed yourself the morning after to be exact." Cloud walked up the steps to enter until Aeris stopped him "Cloud you don't have to go in, we'll just send you back, we promise." Cloud shrugged her off and pushed the door open "No I have to see." He expected to see her crying, or at least waking to her the news. But there it was the grisly scene Zack and Aeris hoped Cloud would be spared the sight of. She was on the floor still and cold. "Tifa!" He ran to her and picked her up, he checked her vital signs but she was gone. "No! Tifa! I promised, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Zack and Aeris stood in the doorway and let their friend have his time. He sobbed for what seemed like hours until he eventually stood, he turned to them and demanded "What happened! Who did this!" Zack looked away and let Aeris take the lead. "Cloud, she got news of your death from WRO Officers the day after when they left, she let the kids sleep, she didn't cry. But she went to the medicine cabinet and ate several jars full of pills in the downstairs bar. The reaction killed her almost instantly, she didn't suffer. In the end she couldn't take anymore loss, you were the last piece of her childhood and more closer to home, she loved you as much as she did when you were young. She gave up just like you did. And because she commited suicide she was not brought to the Lifestream, she was lost forever." Cloud still had tears "How do I stop all this..." Zack grabbed his friend's shoulder "Live...It'll all come to you eventually." The darkness faded into light, and he returned.

He found himself in the church, not a minute had passed since he left without thinking he sprinted to Fenrir. He sped back into Edge, the new WRO traffic laws were in place but to him there were more pressing matters. When he stopped at the bar he missed the clock, however he had only been out for fifteen of the proposed thirty minutes. He slammed the door open, not enough to wake the kids but enough to make his presence known in the bar area. "Cloud, your home earlier than you said." Tifa looked to him with a smile. Cloud said nothing he strided quickly to the bar and went around the latch.

"Cloud are you okay did something-" He embraced her in his arms "Don't talk, I'm sorry I spent too much time regretting my mistakes and not enough time living. I don't know how you've dealt with me as long as you have, but I'm done now, it's time for me to enjoy what I have and hopefully when the time comes do the right thing." He pulled away, Tifa had a look of shock but to top it off he did the most unexpected thing. Cloud kissed his best friend deeply and lovingly, she had stuck by him and he stuck by her. Zack said to act natural, and to Cloud this was the best step into a new life one without as many regrets and more hope than he was used to. There lips left each other and Cloud managed to eke out the coup de grace "I love you Tifa Lockhart, I'm sorry for all of this." Tifa returned with tears in her eyes "I love you Cloud Strife and you are forgiven, and it would be a horrible life without you." Cloud would live for years after this, without regret and with all the happiness he and his "family" were capable of. The evil of the future described was dashed by his actions, however...those are stories for another time.

And to those who felt the drama was too dramatic, the ending a tad corny, the results a bit far fetched, look past all that. This holiday season look past your own troubles and be there for another, in essence be a friend, because no matter how dark it gets it can only turn to light in the end, and there's no sense in extending the darkness longer than it needs to be. Have a happy holiday season, to all races, nations, and religions.


End file.
